Well after a day like today the only left to make me feel any lower would be having poo flung at me and possibly being tarred and feathered. I am fool for love. I turned my back on everything I knew and had planned for myself for a guy. Granted that guy is a handsome, loving, good-looking King who is utterly in love me. Think that would make me happy. The cost of our love 1000’s of people even more will die in a ridiculous war and I am reduce to nothing but a backwater whore. I forsook my oath but I did so honorably I thought. But duty dictates now that I at the least let another woman marry him and create an “acceptable” heir to the throne. I don’t see why I’m such a bad choice for him, except that I am nothing special. I can’t see the path through the forest for the the trees. I am stopping to take a deep breath, I will make sure that he holds his throne and protects his realm, even if that means watching him with another. Now my obstacle to that is that Julius is being naive. I may have to enlist Norman in figure out the best way to ally myself with Ratatos. Though how trustworthy his allegiance is, is questionable. He is vastly smarter than he appears and I am always hesitant to deal with those that are so deceptive. But he seems to agree with me that Alleya is too much of an liability. I will see her removed from the equation for the foreseeable, even if its the last thing I do. I let her murder Huntington, I will not let her murder another King.
I’m just curious as to why Fox seems to be physically avoiding me like the plague more than usual yet at the same time piggy backing into my head with Julius. She is annoyed with something and not saying it out loud. I feel she really wishes that someone else were her “Aunt” or at the very least Julius was less taken with me. I need to find some time to focus I’m having empathy on a level I’ve never felt before my calm stoic center is deeply disturbed. I’m feeling things that are new and I don’t have the normal calm reflection time that I had in the Arbor. I think this is due to whatever bond Julius formed with me, though I know only that it is the most reassuring yet scariest thing I’ve ever been a part of. I know it is permanent. I tried to ask but Julius took command of the situation as usual and well I doubt I will ever lose all of the fawning school girl-esque loss of mental processes I feel for Julius. I think I will have to lure Fox into this to find out more about the Tao or the Way so that I can harness whatever control I can.
I have a plan but I won’t even verbalize it in my own mind b/c I know Julius will not agree and part of it depends on him being in the dark. Though I am loathed to not share this with him its for his own good. But enough of that. I’ve got to find out what my dear Darix and Fritz have been able to find out. And I’ve already engaged my sister into her part. She needs to appear as susceptible to being swayed from me or being able to have information gotten from her. Princess Solace is the variable I’m un-sure of. But I’ll figure it out. I have to.
Now Julius wants me to come, home. Its hard but until I really thought about, I could feel like Amber or at least where ever Julius is as home.